Adoptive Families, the award-winning national adoption magazine, is the leading adoption information source for families before, during, and after adoption.


We're the Lucky Ones!

by Kathleen Silber

Have a question? Ask our panel of experts.

Q:When people find out that my son was adopted in the U.S. at birth, they often say that he is "so lucky that we were able to take him." My husband and I feel we're the lucky ones. How should I respond--particularly if the comment is made in front of my son?

A:This comment reflects lingering myths and stereotypes about closed adoption--that the child was unloved and unwanted by his birthmother. Not true! The decision to place a baby for adoption is made with the child's best interests in mind.

That being said, don't feel obliged to respond to ignorant comments or to educate people about adoption. As you note, this kind of comment is particularly troubling if it's made in your child's presence. When that's the case, simply say, "We are the lucky ones," and move on without further conversation.

The most important thing is to convey positive and loving messages to your child. After such an interaction, you may want to discuss people's perceptions about adoption with your child--explaining that some people don't know much about it, so they say things that are not true.
--Kathleen Silber, coauthor of Dear Birthmother (Corona) and associate executive director of the Independent Adoption Center, Pleasant Hill, California

Back To Home Page

©2014 Adoptive Families. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part is prohibited.

Post a comment

Your name

Email address (Will not be displayed)


Your comment may be subject to approval before displaying. By submitting a response to our topic, you give Adoptive Families the right to modify, publish, and reproduce your submission in the magazine, on its website, in the Adoption Guide, or in any AF syndication, anthology, or electronic database. There is no payment. You certify that these are your own words and that you have not violated any copyright laws. If you'd prefer to respond for background only, please specify in your response. If you don't specify one way or another, we'll assume that it's OK to quote you.

Find Adoption Services


Find Adoption Professionals






Subscribe to Adoptive Families online or via toll-free phone 800-372-3300
Click to email this article to a friend.
Click for printer friendly version.

Child Development, Family, Health, and Education Research

Magazine Publishers of America