Adopting a Child in Foster Care
Tens of thousands of American children need permanent loving families
Of the approximately 500,000 children who have been separated from their birth parents and placed in foster care, an estimated 110,000 can never return to their original homes. They need the nurturing and support that a permanent family can provide, and they deserve a chance to grow up feeling secure and loved. That is where "special-needs adoption" comes into play. It's not so much about finding a child for a family, but instead finding the most suitable family for each waiting child.
"Special needs" is a phrase used to classify children who, for various reasons, have a harder time finding families who are willing to adopt them. Often special needs include factors such as age, background, and physical, mental or emotional challenges. Typically, children who have special needs have been separated from their birth families, live in foster care, are school age and may have physical, emotional or mental disabilities.
Some children are born with physical or mental conditions that require special treatment; others have emotional scars from abuse, neglect or abandonment. Children may also be considered to have special needs if they are part of a sibling group who want to be adopted together or are members of a minority group.
Children don't need perfect parents, just one or two loving individuals willing to meet the unique challenges of parenting and make a lifetime commitment to caring for and nurturing their children. One of the advantages of special-needs adoption is that almost any responsible adult can become an adoptive parent. Prospective parents do not have to be rich, married, under 40, highly educated or own their own home to adopt. Far more important are these personal characteristics:
- a belief in adoption and an ability to commit
- patience and perseverance
- a good sense of humor and talent for keeping life in perspective
- a love of children and parenting
- the ability to roll with unexpected changes, stresses and challenges
- the ability to deal with rejection and not take it personally
- the ability to accept without judging and love unconditionally
- tolerance and understanding for your child's conflicting feelings and your own
- the awareness that healing doesn't come quickly, that all wounds cannot be healed and that your child may not attach to your family
- the strength to be consistent and set limits
- a willingness to learn new parenting techniques and advocate for your children's educational and medical needs
- resourcefulness
If you have all or most of those qualities, then ask yourself these questions:
- Do I clearly understand why I want to adopt?
- (For couples) Do my partner and I work as a team? Are we both committed to adoption?
- Does my lifestyle allow me the time necessary to meet the needs of a special child?
Really think about your answers to these questions. You may decide that you want to pursue a different type of adoption or investigate foster parenting or decide that adoption really isn't for you. Take the time to make a good decision, because you and your adoptive child will have to live with it for the rest of your lives.
In addition, before seriously contemplating special-needs adoption, every prospective parent should honestly evaluate her or his desire to successfully parent children who have troubling pasts and uncertain futures. Many special-needs children have not received the kind of early care that kids need to develop a strong sense of security, trust and self-esteem. Many also suffer from conditions caused by past trauma or prenatal drug or alcohol abuse. Children whose backgrounds include traumatic experiences and abuse or neglect may exhibit symptoms such as
aggressiveness
- attachment disorder
- attention deficit disorders and hyperactivity
- bed-wetting
- defiance
- depression
- impulsiveness
- learning disabilities
- low self-esteem
- lying
- poor peer relationships and social skills
Fortunately, through therapy, medication and consistent care, children can find ways to overcome or at least cope better with many of these challenges.
Almost every child will put his or her new adoptive parents through a period of testing to see if the parents are truly committed or just waiting for an excuse to desert the child, as others have done before. To improve your chances of successfully adopting a child who has special needs, you should be prepared to offer a home environment that combines extra love, support and attention with clear structure and consistent limit setting. Parents should also be ready to actively advocate for their child at school, with peers and within the community. It can be immensely helpful for parents to have a support network or belong to an adoptive parent support group.
Parents have found the following preparations helpful:
- Update the family's insurance. An adopted child can be covered under your health insurance from the date he or she is placed with your family. Group health insurance carriers must insure adoptees under the terms of their parents' policy and cannot deny coverage because of preexisting conditions. Add a new child to your health insurance plan within 30 days after he or she is placed in your home. If your child is eligible for an adoption subsidy, he or she may be covered through Medicaid. Also change beneficiary designations on life insurance policies and update wills as needed.
- Get and keep a copy of the child's original birth certificate. Once the adoption is finalized, that document is sealed and neither you nor the adoptee can access it. Without it, some adoptees have had trouble getting passports and applying for affirmative action status. With it, adoptees may have an easier time searching for their biological roots, if and when they decide to do so.
- Prepare to get a new Social Security number and birth certificate for your child-one that recognizes the child's new last name and family situation. To claim your child as a dependent for tax purposes, the child must have a Social Security number.
- Learn as much as you can about the child's habits and personality. Talk to the child's foster parents or social worker so you can gain information that will help ease the child's transition into your family. What are the child's favorite foods and games? What's the best way to comfort the child?
- Make your house child friendly. Modify, reposition or remove household objects that could be dangerous to your new child. Prepare the child's room to make it welcoming and to signal that the area belongs to him or her.
- Inform your other children about changes that will occur. Tell your children how their roles may change when the new child arrives, and prepare them to share, adjust schedules and withhold judgment during the transition. Include everyone in visits and trial weekends before the child is placed, and establish clear ground rules for behavior, interaction and discipline.
- Negotiate an adoption assistance agreement. Parents who adopt eligible children with special needs from a public or private agency can receive federal or state benefits. Ask your agency about obtaining a subsidy and what steps you must take to negotiate an agreement. Line up services for your child and yourself. If you adopt a younger child, you may need to find day care. If you adopt an older child, you may need to enroll him or her in school; arrange for therapy, counseling or tutoring; and identify respite care options. Join an adoption support group.
This article was adapted by Nancy Ng of FAIR from materials prepared by the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC). NACAC advocates for "the right of every child to a permanent, continuous, nurturing and culturally sensitive family, and presses for the legal adoptive placement of any child denied that right."
