William Morrow Paperbacks; 2009

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The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander is a clearly written book, by Barbara Coloroso, that analyzes the roles of all persons in a bullying interaction and gives parents and teachers some food for thought. For example, Coloroso shows how different parenting styles can influence the roles our children take in social interactions. She also describes methods that adults can use to counter bullying.

From my experiences, I’ve seen how adoption and, often, ethnicity or culture, can add complexity to a child’s life. And in the cycle of bullying, it is our differences that are targeted. But we can equip our children with the strategies that will allow targets to stand up to bullies and to prompt bystanders to become allies. By teaching our children that each of us can make a difference, we can change the belief that bullying is an inevitable rite of passage.

Reviewed by Edna Moy, the mother of two girls adopted from China. She teaches at an independent school in New York City.