Specifying Gender When Adopting

On our Facebook page, we asked readers, Did you have a gender preference when you adopted? Did you formally specify a gender? If so, why? Here’s what you said:

Yes, We Specified Gender

“I wasn’t expecting to get a choice and was just happy at the thought of being a mommy, but my husband is more traditional and wanted a boy to carry on his family’s name. Our social worker actually encouraged us to specify, as she said that would help her narrow her search, so we did.” —SARAH

“We already had two boys. That’s all we know, and so we pursued another boy.” —JESSI

“My daughter came to me in a dream, and I knew we were destined to adopt a baby girl. Now we are pursuing a second girl.” —KARLA

“I didn’t care, but my husband already had a son from a previous marriage, so he wanted a baby girl.” —DENIA

“I wanted a house full of boys. I’m one of three girls and my sisters both had daughters, so I thought our family had enough estrogen. Plus, I didn’t want to live with girl drama.” —KAYCE

“Yes. We had a biological son, and then a biological daughter who died in infancy. When we adopted, I knew this would be our last child and I really wanted a girl. Had the ultrasound been incorrect and the baby been born a boy, we would have gladly added another son to our family—but we have our son and our daughter and are a complete family.” —JANIE

Yes and No

“Not the first time, and we ended up adopting two girls who were sisters. Now that we are looking to adopt again, we are specifying a boy or brothers younger than our daughters. It’s important to think about family dynamics, and that’s what we believe will work best in our family.” —JENNIFER

“The second time, yes. We had a boy, and wanted a girl, so we would have the experience of parenting both.” —ROBYN

“I didn’t for my daughter, but I’m now pursuing a sibling set of girls. As a single mother, I believe I can give girls better guidance in life than I’d be able to give a boy. I also think a boy would miss living with a male role model.” —TONYA

“We were open for our first two adoptions, and have one daughter and one son. For our third adoption we specified a girl, because our daughter was older and we felt she was more ready to share her room.” —LYLA

No, We Did Not Specify Gender

“No gender, no race, nothing we couldn’t accept. We were completely open, and are now so blessed.” —APRIL

“Nope, just a healthy infant. Our son has grown into a fine young man who is having a son of his own in three months.” —BERT

“Our state doesn’t allow us to specify, but that made no difference to us.” —LINDA

We Hoped for a _____, But…

“I wanted a sibling group of two or three boys, all older than age five. We adopted a sibling group of five girls and one boy, four of them younger than five. That was six years ago and we couldn’t be happier.” —AMANDA

“For each adoption, we stated our preference for a boy, but said that, in the end, a healthy baby in our arms was all we needed. We did end up with two boys, but each one was a surprise, as we only found out after saying yes to the match.” —TRACY

“I wanted a boy, regardless of how we became parents. Alas, my house is full of pink.” —KAREN

“Although we didn’t specify gender or race, I always knew in my heart I was meant to be a boy’s mama. God thought that was hilarious, and I am beyond blessed with my two girls.” —ANGELA




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Adoption Agencies

Adoptions From the Heart
Wynnewood, PA
U.S. Newborn
Children’s Home Society & Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota
Saint Paul, MN
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Building Blocks Adoption Service
Medina, OH
U.S. Newborn, Special Needs/Waiting Child
WACAP (World Association for Children and Parents)
Seattle, WA
U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Family & Children’s Agency, Inc.
Norwalk, CT
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Abrazo Adoption Associates
San Antonio, TX
U.S. Newborn, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Bethany Christian Services
Grand Rapids, MI
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Adoption by Shepherd Care
Hollywood, FL
U.S. Newborn, International
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