Ask AF: Should We Try for the Same Level of Openness?

Parents who are pursuing a second adoption wonder if they should ask for the same level of openness, to protect their first child's feelings.

Q: We have a semi-open adoption with our child’s birth family. We’re waiting to adopt again, and wonder if we should request a semi-open or closed adoption, so our son won’t feel hurt by his lack of a birth-family relationship?


A: Members of respond…

“I would think hard about a closed adoption. Your son’s semi-open adoption may become much more open. If you choose a totally closed adoption, you probably wouldn’t have that chance.”

“We see one of our children’s birth families every other weekend and on many holidays. We see the other family about every three months. I don’t know how my children will feel when they are older, but I don’t want to limit one relationship because of another.”

“The level of openness we have with each of our children’s birth parents changes over time. I used to worry about keeping the level of contact the same. I realize now that isn’t realistic. We just try to have the best possible relationship with each of them.”


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