“My nine-year-old has been asking me about her birth mother. I was able to find her on social media, but I’m worried about sharing the photos I found.”
Advice from Adoption Experts
Adoption experts answer your questions about talking about adoption, attachment, birth parent contact, and more.
“Our children have a younger sibling in a different foster home. Should we fight to get custody of this child, whom we’re told has a strong bond with her foster parents and foster siblings, or leave things be?”
“Our 17-year-old is experiencing depression and has been smoking pot. She told us she sees her depression as connected to adoption, which surprised us, because we’ve always talked openly about adoption. How can we help her?”
A mother seeks advice on sharing difficult birth family details with her daughter, and how this might affect their open adoption relationship.
A mother seeks advice in selecting a school for her daughter, who is biracial. How to weigh general diversity vs. specific racial representation vs. distance from the family’s home?
An adoptive mother explores adopting her son’s biological sister, but realizes she wouldn’t be able to meet the child’s medical needs. She seeks advice on how to tell her son.
We have a closed adoption, per our child’s birth mother’s request. How can I ever tell my child that I know who her birth mother is, but can’t share that information?
My child’s birth mother has a drug addiction. How should I explain this to him? How can I do so without sounding judgmental about his birth mother?
“I know that my children’s birth siblings were abused by their birth parents, but my children don’t talk about trauma in their earlier lives. How should I talk with them about this?”
“I’m so excited to be moving forward in the adoption process, but, when I share that news, I’ve been surprised and frankly dismayed at some of the reactions I’ve gotten. These range from dismissive to fearful and discouraging.”
“When my daughter was in her teens, we sent a letter to her birth mother via our adoption agency, but never heard back. Yesterday, I got a social media message from her birth mother’s sister, which shared sad news. How do I break this news to my daughter?”
A parent wonders how to explain the painful possibility that a foster child might return to her birth family to the young child she’s already parenting.
“Recently, my 12-year-old has been questioning whether an adoptive mother can really love her children as she would biological children. She’ll say things like, ‘You think you love us, but you would love a child you gave birth to more. How should I talk with her about this?”
When you struggle with infertility, baby showers can be painful reminders — and often lead to nosy questions, like, ‘So, when are you going to have a baby?’ Parents who’ve been there advise on how to respond.
“We would like to find a pediatrician during the adoption process, so we have someone to help guide our decisions. How to do this?”
“My cousin is pregnant but not ready to be a mom. She and I have discussed my adopting her baby. I realize we’ll need a lawyer, but what else will we need to do in order to adopt a family member’s child?”
“Our son’s birth mother is now married and parenting a newborn. How should I answer if he asks why they couldn’t raise him?”
An expectant mother who’s making an open adoption plan wonders how to explain to her child that his baby sibling will be adopted by another family. A birth mother offers advice.
A mother shares that her four-year-old has said, “You’re not my mom!” when angry. Fellow parents assure her this is normal and suggest different ways to respond.
“In the beginning, my son’s birth mother seemed to want a lot of contact. I send photos or updates about once a week. She hasn’t seen him in a year, however, and her family hasn’t seen him since birth. Should I back off?”