5 Tips for Writing to Expectant Mothers

Your 'dear expectant mother' letter can feel like the most important thing you will ever write. So how do you make a connection and represent yourself? Use these tips.

Keep in mind that your goal is to connect with the right expectant mother for you. Successful adoptions occur when prospective adoptive parents and birth parents make a strong pre-birth connection. So, resist making yourself into something you’re not. The more authentically you communicate the essence of your personality, lifestyle, parenting philosophy, and heart, the better chance you have of connecting with an expectant mother who shares your feelings.

Paint a picture of how you live. Illustrate facts with anecdotes to help expectant mothers picture the events you describe. Don’t settle for a general statement like, “Our wedding day was very special to us.” Describe how you made your own floral arrangements of irises and violets, then knocked them over later while dancing. An expectant mother won’t remember “special,” but she will remember you rolling around in the flowers in your wedding dress. The more intimate the details, the more vivid the picture.

Identify the places in your life where the baby will fit. Use the description of your interests to talk about how you will raise your child. If you love the theatre, describe your plan to attend puppet shows to introduce your child to this world. If golf is your thing, make a joke about needing a caddie. This will help a birth mother imagine the life her baby will lead.

Be positive. After infertility, its difficult to discuss forming a family without a dose of sorrow. These feelings are natural and need to be dealt with, but your “Dear Expectant Mother” letter is not the place to do it. Don’t dwell on your loss. Put your best foot forward and express the good your life has to offer. You can mention your infertility, or any other sorrow, but do so within the context of the positive lessons that adversity has taught you.

Become the solution. We all wish our home were larger, our incomes bigger, our relationship with our parents better. So, don’t waste space pointing out deficiencies. Communicate the aspects of your life that will help an expectant mother imagine you as the solution she seeks.

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