Each child has his own story

“We have two children. After several unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, I conceived and delivered a son using donor eggs. Two years later, we adopted a newborn domestically. I loved being pregnant and being able to nurse my son, but when we wanted a second child, we knew we couldn’t go through the stress and turmoil of infertility treatment again. Each of our children has a different story, and I wouldn’t change either one for anything.”

Attempted ART, then adopted

“We were close to some couples who used donor eggs. We tried one cycle and got pregnant, but then I miscarried. At that point we reevaluated and moved on to adoption. We realized that it was more important to us to love and raise a child than to be pregnant. We also decided that we’d prefer for neither of us to have a genetic connection rather than only one.”

Wanting a newborn

“We chose domestic adoption because we wanted to experience parenthood from as near the start of life as possible. From there, it was a matter of picking the right agency. Domestic newborn adoption comes with an emotional risk. You need to prepare for the possibility that, even after you get to know the birth mom (and pay her expenses), she might change her mind. That’s the reality of adoption.”

Heart-to-hearts with friends

“My husband wanted an infant, and we both wanted an open adoption. We are white, and after discussing transracial adoption with a transracial adoptee and African-American friends, we decided we could be open to it. We used an agency because we wanted the support and did not want to advertise. Today, we’re the proud parents of an African-American newborn.”

Attended an infertility conference

“It wasn’t until I heard someone speak at an infertility and adoption conference that I realized I didn’t want to waste any more time and money putting my body (already beaten down) through more treatments when, to me, carrying a child didn’t really matter. I just wanted to be a mom.”

Drawn to foster adoption

“We talked with everyone about wanting to adopt. After meeting a couple who had adopted from foster care, and who spoke positively about the experience, we became interested. We attended a training session and were hooked. We have since adopted two children, whom we have raised since infancy. The costs are low, no travel is required, the adoption is unlikely to be challenged, and subsidies are available.”

An established adoption program

“We did not want to advertise to meet prospective birth parents. We were still grieving from our infertility, and we didn’t want to risk the disappointment of having a birth parent decide not to place with us. We chose South Korea for its long-standing adoption program; the babies come home at a young age after being well cared for in foster care.”

Visiting an adoptive family

“The most important step we took was to visit my sister’s friends, who had adopted two girls. Neither my husband nor I knew anyone who had adopted, and when we saw that this was just a regular family–a husband and a wife with their two young kids running in and out of the living room, showing off for visitors, playing together–we had one of those aha! moments. That’s what we wanted–a family.””