Letters to the Editor, RE: February 2018

Readers share feedback about articles published in the February 2018 issue of Adoptive Families magazine.

A Range of Impassioned Responses to: “Buying the Lie”

Thank you for saying what I have been feeling! I love my daughter fiercely and feel lucky that I get to be her mom, but I would have loved to spend her first 48 hours with her or have heard her first cry or done skin-to-skin to comfort her as she faced the cold after delivery. I haven’t closed the door on trying to get pregnant, but didn’t want to wait any longer to become a mom. Those who don’t agree—that’s fine, but don’t judge. Those that have faced infertility and ultimately adopted should be each other’s biggest cheerleaders and show empathy instead of judgment!
Jennifer • via Facebook

As an adoptive mom and professional, I feel this mom should have taken some more time to grieve the loss of biological children before entering the world of adoption. But I am glad she did seek professional help and is now able to embrace motherhood as an adoptive mom.
Noel • via Facebook

Thank you to the author for voicing something I could not. I still somehow find something else to do whenever there’s a baby shower invitation, and I glare at pregnant women in public. Ridiculous!
Heather • comment posted on website

While everyone is certainly entitled to their own feelings and voice, as an adoptee and adoptive parent, I found this article troubling. I get the desire/fantasy to have experienced each moment with our children, including pregnancy, but I wonder about the reasons for having lingering feelings of jealousy for a biological connection. I am so grateful for everything/every experience that led me to become the mom of my children. I can’t help picturing how this author’s children will feel when they someday read this.
Brenda • via Facebook

Unlike the author, from the moment our son was placed in my arms, I didn’t look back on our infertility journey. In fact, I had a face-palm moment as to why I even ventured down the fertility treatment and surrogacy route to begin with. I am now the mother of two beautiful children through adoption who are mine as if born to me. I am eternally grateful for my kids.
Olga • via Facebook

Missing out on a pregnancy and the bond that creates is something I still mourn, but my son has made my dream of being a mom come true, and that was my goal all along.
Jennifer • via Facebook

For me, adoption did cure my sense of loss, but it didn’t cure my sorrow over missing parts of my children’s lives and not being able to protect them from things that happened to them. It didn’t cure my sorrow and frustration that adoption is seen as second best or that my love and dedication to my children is questioned and seen as “less than” somehow. I know for a fact that my love for my children could not possibly be stronger.
Kristy • via Facebook

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