My daughter began preschool recently, and I’ve not told her teachers that she’s adopted. As I weigh the decision of whether to tell, these are the questions and thoughts rattling around in my head:

Is “The Talk” relevant? Beth is two — still very young. My husband, Tony, and I faithfully recite the story of our domestic adoption to her, but the hot topics during the two hours she spends at school, two days a week, will more likely be sharing toys, snack time, and poop.

Could it be held against her? My girlfriend, a former teacher and an adoptive mom, thinks so. Her experience is that teachers talk. Even if the talk is not negative, she worries that our children will be forever branded The Adopted Ones, even if they are also Phenomenal Artists or Gymnastical Geniuses. And what if Beth whacks one of her classmates in the head? Will her teachers think, “It’s just her age,” or “It’s a behavioral problem” (“She’s adopted, you know”)? I want to keep any adoption bias at bay for as long as I can.

Is this more about me? I’ll be honest: I’m still figuring out how to discuss (or not discuss, or partially discuss) Beth’s adoption. Like every parent who has adopted, I’ve been astonished and angered by thoughtless comments from friends and strangers. I know that once I say, “We adopted her,” I’m opening myself up to questions, comments, and judgments, some welcome and some not.

The phrase “know your audience” comes to mind, and reading your audience takes time and practice. I think it will feel more natural to say that we adopted Beth after I get to know her teachers better.

I see that “family” is the theme slated for November in the preschool curriculum. At least that gives me a little time to build my trust with the teachers, solicit some more advice, and decide what to do.

For now, I’ll stick to my go-to answer when I am asked, “Where’d she get the blonde hair?” “Runs in the family.”