Letters to the Editor, RE: June 2017

Readers share feedback about articles published in the June 2017 issue of Adoptive Families magazine.

RE: Adoption at the Movies

I just want to let you know that I found the “Adoption at the Movies” reviews to be very well written, thoughtful, and helpful. I am sometimes at a loss while watching TV and movies with my kids. I consider most media to be extremely irresponsible, in many ways, but especially pertaining to adoption. Addison Cooper’s reviews have given me food for thought about how to deal with the many issues that touch our family while watching TV.
April • via email

Thank you for the great list of movies and very good insights. I just wanted to share that Frozen actually has a strong adoption storyline. The main male character, Kristoff, and his reindeer best friend were basically adopted by a clan of trolls. In the song they sing, you learn that the trolls know and see Kristoff’s imperfections, but love him dearly for who he is.
Huffmanfamily (username) • comment posted online

 

RE: “Letting the 13-Year-Old Drive”

I loved this story about older-child adoption. Amazing!
Amanda • via Facebook

 

RE: Dolls and Toys for Diverse Families

It was so nice to see that dolls are so diverse now. When I adopted my children 12 years ago, it was somewhat more difficult to find the right skin tone.
Grace • via Facebook

Living in Utah, the selection of ethnic dolls was slim! We noticed, however, on a trip to Louisiana, that the stores there were filled with racially diverse toys. I guess it depends on the demographics of any particular area. We decided that ordering online was a great option.
Russell • via Facebook

We have all of the Disney princess dolls of every ethnicity and culture. Barbie has a fashionista line of dolls in different skin tones and body shapes. Disney also has cute dolls from It’s a Small World. We have the African doll.
Wendy • via Facebook

I give my kids dolls of many different ethnicities, like my mom did for me. I feel this gives a good picture of the world.
Danielle • via Facebook

 

RE: Parent-to-Parent: My Best Advice to Myself

If I could go back five years and give myself advice, I would tell myself to skip any and all fertility treatments and go straight to adoption. We had discussed adopting before we ever saw a fertility specialist. Should have listened to our gut. But…we wouldn’t be where we are now with our precious little boy!
Meghan • via Facebook

Educate yourself, educate yourself, educate yourself, and keep educating yourself as your child grows. Accept and embrace the fact that parenting an adopted child is a different type of parenting. Learn the perspectives of not just adoptive parents, but adoptees and birth families. Keep your mind and heart open.
Meghan • via Facebook

I wish we had discussed the use of social media and our kiddo’s photos in more detail. I would suggest thinking about whether you will be “friends” on social media, and where it’s OK for the birth mom to post, with what privacy settings, and how often.
Laura • via Facebook

 

RE: Ask AF: “My Child Said He Loves His Birth Mother More”

In response to the reader’s question about her six-year-old making this comment, I would advise her not to react. I’d say, “We love her too, she gave us the best gift ever, you.” Kids at this young age don’t know the whys. He’s expressing himself and anything he feels is OK. Don’t take it personally, though I can imagine how it hurts.
Misty • via Facebook

To the reader: The fact that your son can say, “I love her more” means he trusts you considerably. If you overreact or respond impulsively, he won’t stop having those feelings; he will simply learn that it’s not OK to share them with you. I love that my daughter can tell me that she feels very sad because she misses her mom in her heart. I try to find an answer to every question our kids have. If I can’t, I tell them the truth—that I will never stop helping them find the answers. And I beg them to never stop asking those questions. I’m thankful for the open relationships we’ve been able to have, and I grieve the ones we don’t. As a final thought: I’d be completely OK with my kids loving their birth parents more! I demand no loyalty…I’m just thankful that I also get to be called “Mama.”
Emily • via Facebook

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