“Recently, my 12-year-old has been questioning whether an adoptive mother can really love her children as she would biological children. She’ll say things like, ‘You think you love us, but you would love a child you gave birth to more. How should I talk with her about this?”
Ask AF: Will Our Son See His Birth Mother with Her New Baby and Wonder, Why Not Him?
“Our son’s birth mother is now married and parenting a newborn. How should I answer if he asks why they couldn’t raise him?”
Ask AF: Explaining to a Child That His Sibling Will Be Adopted By Another Family
An expectant mother who’s making an open adoption plan wonders how to explain to her child that his baby sibling will be adopted by another family. A birth mother offers advice.
My Four-Year-Old Told Me “You’re Not My Mom.” Is This Normal?
A mother shares that her four-year-old has said, “You’re not my mom!” when angry. Fellow parents assure her this is normal and suggest different ways to respond.
“Three Real Families”
When my granddaughter asked me if I was the “real” mother of her mom, whom I adopted as an infant, I found a way to help her explore her many real connections, through biology, law, and love.
“Parenting After Foster Adoption—Like Playing Jenga, Backward”
As a father who raised a child from birth and is now parenting older children adopted from foster care, I’ve come to see that the game and pieces may, indeed, be the same, but you have to play in an entirely different way.
Ask AF: Explaining to Our Child That We Can’t Adopt Her Foster Sister
“We just found out that we won’t be able to adopt the child we’ve been fostering. How do we tell the child, and explain to our older daughter?”
Answering Kids’ Big Questions About Birth Parents
Between the ages of six and eight, children begin to ask more sophisticated questions about adoption. Here are some ways to respond.
Ask AF: Just Found Out That My Child Is Friends with His Birth Mother on Facebook
“I recently found out that my teen is friends with his birth mother on Facebook. I feel badly that I found this out by ‘snooping,’ but I am also shocked and upset that she didn’t try to contact us or the adoption agency first. What should we do?”
Promoting Adoption Awareness at School
As parents, how can you help make sure that your child and all the students at her school feel included and supported? Educate teachers about the five As!
Ask AF: Our Only Child Is Asking for a Sibling
An adoptive parent wonders how to respond to an only child who keeps asking for a sibling. Real parents share their advice and stories.
The Literal Child
In their “black and white” world, how do children handle the grays of adoption?
Helping Preteens Build a Life Story
As preteens strive to define themselves, they must work adoption into the story.
Navigating the Teen Years, Part 2: Maintaining Your Emotional Connection
Teens don’t tend to talk with their friends about their feelings about being adopted, being teased, or other tough topics. But if you have a healthy, trusting relationship, they’ll open up to you. An adoption therapist advises on maintaining an empathic connection with your teen.
Ask AF: Sharing Painful Birth Parent News with My Child
“I just discovered that my daughter’s birth mother died. My daughter is a preteen and rarely asks about her birth parents. Should I tell her this now, or wait? And, if so, how do I bring it up?”
Adoption Through a Child’s Eyes
By tuning in to what children understand about adoption at different ages, our talks become richer, more intimate, and ultimately more effective.
Adoption at the Movies
Films with adoption or foster care storylines, or with themes of separation, identity, or belonging, can spark tough, must-have conversations with your children. Ready to start watching—and talking? Start with one of these recommendations.
“A Balanced View of Adoption”
With such a spectrum of opinions about adoption, it’s hard to know if we talk about it too much, or not enough, and in the right way. But watching my son navigate adoption comments at school reassured me of his comfort with it.
Ask AF: My Child Said He Loves His Birth Mother More
“My six-year-old has been asking a lot of new questions about adoption and his birth mother. He’s also told us that he loves her more than he loves us. How should we respond?”
Navigating the Teen Years, Part 1: Setting “Adoption-Sensitive” Limits
As a teen, your child still needs and wants you to be a strong parent—not in a controlling fashion, but as a reliable authority in his or her life. Read on for 10 ways to establish yourself in this role.