Ask AF: Writing an Adoption Reference Letter

How can I write a great letter that my friends will show to prospective birth mothers?

Q: A close friend has asked me to write a letter about her and her husband to put in the album they're making for potential birth mothers. I'm honored to be asked, but what should I write?

 

A: Nelson Handel has written an authoritative guide to help prospective parents write letters to expectant, and many of the tips from Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birth Mother Letter (EasternEdge Press) can be adapted to your situation.

Include intimate anecdotes, and relate them as vividly as possible. Instead of writing, "Their wedding day was very special," describe how you helped your friend choose the cake, and how happy she and her husband looked when they fed it to each other.

Talk about how a baby will fit into their lives. Describe the puppet shows you and your friend put on together when you were kids, and how she can't wait to introduce her child to the same type of play.

Above all, don't make your friends seem like people they're not. The better you communicate their personalities, the love they share, and the things that make them unique, the better their chances of connecting with an expectant mother who shares their outlook.

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