Ask AF: Secrecy About Grandparent Adoption

What if a child doesn't know he is adopted? The AF expert explains how to share the news.

Q: I adopted my grandson eight years ago, and he has no idea that I’m his grandmother. As he gets older, I’m afraid someone else will tell him. Help!

A: You need to tell him now, before someone else does. He is old enough to hear it, and understand grandparent adoption. You need to unburden yourself from this secret. Tell him he was born to ______, who is your daughter, but that she couldn’t take care of him. (Emphasize that this was not because of anything that he did, but, rather, that she couldn’t take care of any child at the time.) So, you both decided that you were the best person to raise him, because you are his grandmother and you already knew him and loved him.

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