"I Can't Believe She Just Said That!" – Biggest Adoption Misconceptions

Parents share misconceptions about adoption that they've encountered, from 'love heals all' to 'your child is lucky' to 'now you'll get pregnant!'

Adoptive parents share the adoption misconceptions they've encountered

On our Facebook page (facebook.com/adoptivefamilies), we asked readers, What do you think is the biggest misconception is about adoption? Here’s what you said:

That you can’t love an adopted child as much or like you do a biological child. This is totally false. I love my two youngest daughters exactly the same as I love my three older three biological children—not even a speck of difference.” —JENNIFER

That because we are ‘heroes’ for adopting and that our son is ‘lucky.’ His birth mom is the hero and we are the ‘lucky’ ones!” —RACHEL

That it costs a small fortune. There are so many kids of all ages in foster care who are waiting to be adopted. It didn’t cost me a penny to adopt my girls. It required a lot of time, stress, and patience, but no money.” —CHRISTIE

That it’s an ‘easy’ alternative to having biological children. One does not substitute for the other, and there is nothing easy about it. ‘You could always just adopt’ is on my top 10 list of the worst things ever said to me.” —AMANDA

Open adoption is entirely misunderstood. People think it’s co-parenting, scary, confusing for kids. None of that is true.” —ROBYN

That it’s the most beautiful thing that has ever happened. In reality, it is the most amazing and the most painful thing that you and the child are likely to go through. Adoption is the simultaneous beginning and end of a family, the most sacred relationship ever to exist.” —CRYSTAL

“That, if you just love your child, that should be enough to wipe away all the years of trauma. ‘Aren’t they better by now? You’ve had them for a year already?‘ ” —GERI

That there is something inherently better about one type of adoption over another. We’re adopting internationally, so for us it’s usually a question about why we wouldn’t ‘adopt an American’ (seriously). People get so opinionated about adoption and, if you don’t do it their way, you’re doing it wrong. Also, people assume we can’t conceive, so our adoption announcement was met with pity rather than celebration. The fact is, adoption was our first choice.” —CALEB

You will get pregnant after adopting. Nope, doesn’t always happen. Trust me.” —BRANDY

That, once you have the adoption certificate in your hand, your adoption journey is over. In reality, it is like a lifelong unpeeling of an onion, with the home study and adoption being only the first layer. It’s the most complex and often bewildering of journeys, but such an honor to make that journey with the child you adopt. I worked long and hard to gain my son’s trust, but that is the ultimate gift a wounded child can bestow and I’m aware of the incredible responsibility that comes with being an adoptive mum.” —SUSY


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