Ask AF: Encouraging A Reluctant Spouse

Is your husband or wife suddenly getting cold feet about your impending adoption? Here, tips for reassuring a reluctant spouse.

Q: My husband is getting anxious about becoming a father. His fears range from not being a good father to finances to losing freedoms. Is there anything I can say or do to ease his worry?

 

A: Boy, can I ever empathize. When my husband, Joe, and I were preparing to adopt, he ran so hot and cold on adoption that I wondered if he’d stick around after we returned from China. Here are three suggestions that might help out in your reluctant spouse situation:

  • Acknowledge your husbands fears, and try to listen without judging. His concerns are not unreasonable: He will lose certain freedoms. What he does not yet see are the many joys that will offset those losses.
  • Don’t expect your husbands excitement to keep pace with yours. For that, talking to other waiting couples — sharing both their reservations and excitement — can be useful to both of you.
  • If your husbands anxieties escalate, try marriage counseling. Your husband may respond better to advice from a neutral observer.

And what became of Joe? Long story short: He stuck around, and he’s a terrific, involved dad who saw all his concerns fail to materialize.



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Adoption Agencies

Spence-Chapin Services to Children & Families
New York, NY
U.S. Newborn, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Children’s Home Society & Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota
Saint Paul, MN
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Family & Children’s Agency, Inc.
Norwalk, CT
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Abrazo Adoption Associates
San Antonio, TX
U.S. Newborn, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Children’s Connections, Inc.
Lubbock, TX
U.S. Newborn
TX
Adoption by Shepherd Care
Hollywood, FL
U.S. Newborn, International
Bal Jagat- Children’s World Inc.
Long Beach, CA
International
Building Blocks Adoption Service
Medina, OH
U.S. Newborn, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Bethany Christian Services
Grand Rapids, MI
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Family Life Services Adoption Agency
Lynchburg, VA
U.S. Newborn
ALL STATES
ALL STATES
Family Law Company “Magistr”
Kolomyia, NY
International
AK, AL, AR, AZ, CA, CO, CT, DC, DE, FL, GA, HI, IA, ID, IL, IN, KS, KY, LA, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MS, MT, NC, ND, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OH, OK, OR, PA, PR, RI, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VA, VT, WA, WI, WV, WY
Gladney Center for Adoption
Fort Worth, TX
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Cradle of Hope Adoption Center
Silver Spring, MD
U.S. Newborn, International
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