Ask AF: What to Talk About with the Expectant Mom?

It's hard to have a natural conversation when so much is on the line during a potential match. The AF community offers their best talking tips when meeting or calling an expectant mom.

Q: I am curious as to what prospective adoptive families and expectant moms talk about during the match. I have heard you should avoid too much talk about the unborn baby, but would appreciate any other input from those who’ve been there.

Members of adoptivefamiliescircle.com respond:

“I got good advice to talk to an expectant mother as you would a friend who is going through something, so we focused on ‘how are you feeling?’ questions and were just very caring with her. I also heard that you should just ask normal, getting-to-know-you questions: movies and TV shows, favorite color, pets, places she’s lived and food she loves to cook and eat. Her life is very different from mine, but she has dreams and aspiration, opinions and preferences, just like anyone else.”

“These conversations are awkward. How could they not be? Getting to know a stranger with that much ‘on the line’ is hard. I remember trying to make sure I didn’t say things that sounded as if her choosing us to adopt the baby was ‘a given.’ Just be genuine and talk about her. Ask her what she wants to know about you, and talk about your life so that she can get a feel for it. It gets easier with time!”

“It is tricky, because some expectant moms live lives that they don’t really want to chat about. We talked about where she lives and is from (we’d traveled through there), where we live, what we all enjoy doing for fun, our families, foods we like, TV shows, movies, music, and a lot about the weather. She actually didn’t mind talking about her pregnancy, so we talked a little about cravings, fatigue, acid reflux, and the baby’s kicking, too.”

“Obviously, no one wants to say anything that could turn off the expectant mom and cause her to change her mind about the match, but I realized the expectant moms feel a similar amount of pressure. She wanted to make us feel just as comfortable as we wanted to make her—I hadn’t expected this! Before the birth, I just tried to support and understand her, and be as consistent with my calls and texts as possible so she would know she could count on us. I asked her a million questions about her, and she always seemed eager to share with me. Yes, there were moments when I second-guessed myself, mostly because of things I’d heard or read, but this isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of conversation. In the end, just trust yourself.”



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