Parent-to-Parent: Deciding to Adopt

Real adoptive parents write about the moment when they first realized adoption was the best choice for their families.

Two parents realizing adoption was the perfect way to form their family

We asked readers to tell us about the moment they realized adoption was right for their family. Many of you always felt the pull to grow your family this way, while some of you changed course after an infertility struggle. All of you agreed that what you wanted more than pregnancy, more than anything, was to be a parent to your child. Continue the discussion at

“My mother says I was nine years old when I came home from school and told her I was going to adopt a child. She doesn’t know what sparked this idea, but it has been a lifelong dream come true for me! The more I learned and read about adoption, the more inspired I was to do it. I discussed it with my fiance before we were married, and after we had been married for three years, on New Year’s Eve, I asked him what his resolution was. He said he wanted to find our child that year…and we did!” —Kristen Silliman; Shingle Springs, California

“We decided to adopt after our second failed attempt at IVF. As we dealt with the heartache that it brought, we simply said, ‘No more.’ Our desire to be parents outweighed our desire to be pregnant, so we began our adoption journey.” —Samantha Harris; Palmetto, Georgia

“I always felt adoption was right for our family, not at all a ‘second choice,’ but my husband wanted to have a biological child as well. I thought giving birth might ‘get adoption out of my system.’ When my daughter was six months old, I told my husband I loved her very much, but adoption was still in my heart. He agreed and we started the process.” —Charlet Fuller; Mobile, Alabama

“We still had not gotten pregnant after we had been married for almost 10 years, and were both approaching our mid-thirties. Until then, we had an if-it-happens-it-happens attitude. Suddenly we realized, ‘If we’re going to do this, we should get moving.’ We got our first foster placement of two little girls a year later.” —Melodie Jurgens; Tiffin, Iowa

“For us, it wasn’t a single moment, but a series of coincidences. My husband and I had been talking about international adoption, but he remained unconvinced. Then I started a new job and, on my first day, saw a photo of my boss’s adorable daughter from China on her desk. The same week, my husband got lost on a back road and stopped at a house to ask for directions. The lady who answered the door was holding her infant, who had recently come home from China. We took these coincidences as the message we needed, and signed with an adoption agency.” —Lola Lyle; Frankfort, Kentucky

“I had always been interested in adoption, but when my sister-in-law talked to me about all the things that come with pregnancy and birth, I realized that was not what I wanted. I didn’t feel the need to grow a little life inside me; I didn’t feel the need to bring a child up from infancy. I just felt the need to be the mother of a child waiting for a home.” —Amy Murphy; Hummelstown, Pennsylvania

“I had thought about adoption for at least 10 years and frequently told myself, ‘If I’m not married in _____ years, I will adopt.’ Time kept ticking away. Then I was asked to present at a conference two hours away from home. During the drive, I decided it was time to start a family, regardless of the obstacles. When I arrived, I ran into an old friend. She told me she had recently changed jobs and was working for an adoption agency. She was God’s way of telling me I was doing the right thing.” —Amy Poirier; Ishpeming, Michigan

“Seeing adoptive families interact during an informational session for our adoption agency made me realize we could do this.” —Julie Molloy; Eagan, Minnesota

“My husband and I often talked about adoption while continuing to try and conceive a second child. Then one day, I just knew. I said to my mother, ‘I think the reason I’m not getting pregnant is because there is a baby out there who needs us more.’ She responded, ‘I’ve thought the same thing.’ Our daughter joined us a year-and-a-half later. She was the baby who needed us, and we needed her even more.” —An AF reader

“When did I realize that adoption was the right choice for us? About 10 seconds after I learned we were unable to have biological children. We wanted kids, and we knew we would find a way to build out family.” —Shelley; Texas

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Adoption Agencies

Adoption Choice Inc.
Green Bay
Adoption Routes/Programs
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Foster, International
Agape Adoptions
Adoption Routes/Programs
International, Special Needs/Waiting Child
Family & Children’s Agency
Adoption Routes/Programs
U.S. Newborn, International
Adoption Routes/Programs
U.S. Newborn
La Crosse
Adoption Routes/Programs
U.S. Newborn, International
Adoption Routes/Programs
U.S. Newborn, International, Special Needs/Waiting Child

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