Ask AF: Writing to a Birth Father

Our child's birth father reappeared out of nowhere to contest the adoption. What can we say?

Q: My husband and I adopted a baby boy about four months ago. Much to our surprise, the birth father has decided to file an opposition to the adoption. We’re not certain of his motivation, as he was originally in agreement with the placement.

We haven’t had any contact so far and he did not support the birth mother throughout her pregnancy. Our attorney requested that we write him a letter, telling him about ourselves, our relationship with our son, and proposing a system or schedule for communication if we’re allowed to raise the baby. What could we say?


A: In all likelihood, what your son’s birth father wants to know is that he will not be cut off from information about his son in the future. You can tell him how much you love your son. You can say, “He’s been our son from the time we saw him. We’d be happy to let you know how he’s doing over the years. Right now he’s doing fabulously. He’s rolling over, etc.


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