Ask AF: After a Birth Family Reunion

An adoption expert discusses how to react when your teenager appears to suddenly prefer his birth mother.

Q: My 16-year-old son recently connected with his birth mother. His conversations with her are warm and emotional, while he is surly and resentful toward me. Initially, I was supportive and helped him contact her. Now I feel sad, anxious, and threatened.


A: You have given your son a gift by being supportive and understanding of his need to search. Now that he has established a relationship with his birth mother, it is natural that you feel somewhat threatened.

Your son is in the typical “honeymoon” stage after finding his birth mother. Have patience! Your son will sort it out over time and be able to see his birth mother more realistically.

The rebellion is also normal. Most teenagers are rebellious toward their parents. You are his parent. His birth mother is not, and so his relationship with her is different. In the meantime, continue to “be there” for your son and remind him of your love for him and his place in your family. Hang in there!

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