Ask AF: Reappearance of a Birth Child

The reappearance of a birth child is complex for parents, particularly when it affects children they have now.

Q: My birth son contacted me earlier this year, and my wife (not his birth mother) and I have enjoyed getting to know him. He’d like us to come to his wedding, but I haven’t yet told our 9-year-old son and I’m not sure how.

 

A: What an exciting time for you! Since you and your wife have welcomed your birth son into your lives, I suspect that your younger son will be just as enthusiastic.

Set aside a quiet time to have a talk with your son. Tell him that a long time ago, before you met his mother, you had a relationship with a woman, and that a child was born as a result of the relationship. Explain that you and the woman were not ready to be parents, so the child was adopted by another set of parents. Then, tell him what happened recently.

Let your son know that he doesn’t have to have a relationship with this older half-brother, but that you’d like them to meet. If he protests, don’t push him. He may need some time to get used to the idea. My guess, however, is that he’ll think having a new big brother is awesome.

Have a great time at the wedding!

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