Christine Bauer’s revealing memoir begins when she hears those three words (“You are pregnant”) and faces an unplanned pregnancy, and takes readers through her open adoption decision, and the ensuing three decades as a birth mother and mother. In this excerpt, Bauer relates the complicated emotions that accompanied her second pregnancy, 11 years after placing her daughter for adoption, and the birth of her oldest son.
“Heart’s Content”
A trip to the doctor’s office reminds me of the love inside my son’s perfect heart.
“For Their Children”
Years ago, when my son and I were at the kitchen table, a work-related call interrupted our conversation. He said sadly, “Mom, you spend more time helping people have children than you do with your own.”
“Fool for Love”
From the start, silliness and laughter have bolstered the bond between my daughter and me.
“Finally Father’s Day”
I became a dad at age 50, and it changed my life in ways I never could have expected. It was the greatest gift.
“Feeling Like Family”
After the divorce, my family felt incomplete. To find the missing piece, I traveled to a Russian orphanage, thousands of miles away.
“Life of the Party”
Adoption kismet paired my moody, socially awkward self with an upbeat, sociable son who volunteers to wear his school mascot costume, runs for student council, and is unfazed by the thought of speaking in front of his whole school. Every day I am awed (and exhausted).
“From Then to Now”
I don’t think about adoption on a daily basis; I am just a dad, after all. But when I do, it’s these moments that rise to the surface, indicative of so much else along the way.
“Bonding or Discipline?”
As I sit in the pediatrician’s waiting room, all of my parenting skills are called into question. Do I focus on disciplining or bonding with my daughter?
“Before I Became a Mom”
“I have always known I was capable of giving this much love. What I didn’t know is that a child could love me this much.”
“Band-Aid Mom”
Can a Band-Aid do more than heal a physical wound? For my daughter, adopted from Ethiopia at age 9, a mother’s therapeutic touch — to real and emotional boo-boos — began a deeper healing process.
“Bagels and Pho”
Was there a recipe for raising my daughter from Viet Nam? Holding her in my arms, I discovered that love was the prime ingredient.
The Story Behind the Cover Photo: “The Words I’ll Never Forget”
“Looking back on this picture, I see a child who was confused, but yearning for what we all want and need: security, a family, and love. The picture is about hope.”
“Back to Bucaramanga” – Meeting My Daughter’s Birth Mother in Colombia
We set off on the 3,400-mile journey to meet my daughter’s birth mother in silence, our questions too big to put into words. In Colombia, communicating through an interpreter, but also through smiles, tears, embraces, and shared sensory experiences, all of us began to find answers.
“I Wish I Had Another Mother”
To my surprise, his comment about wanting another mother did not upset me. Rather, I realized that I knew exactly how he felt, and my mother, too!
“Anna’s Mothers”
There will be hundreds of chances to tell my daughter the story of her three mothers.
“An Adoption Game Show”
Conversations about adoption are rarely planned, so parents have to be ready with details at a moment’s notice. On a recent evening with my kids, I experienced that times three.
“Among Friends”
When it comes to socializing, my gregarious daughter has taught me a thing or two.
“Motherhood, Cleaved.”
My love for my youngest child, who was born to me, takes a different timbre from my love for my twins through adoption. Accepting this helps me understand the inimitable bond they share with their birth mother, and the ache she must feel.
“But How Did He Know About My Mama?”
When my transracially adopted son was teased about adoption at school, he came home upset—and also bewildered about how his friend could have known. When I heard this (and when it came out that he wasn’t wholly innocent in the exchange), was it wrong that my reaction turned from anger to laughter?