Parent-to-Parent: "Your Child Looks Just Like You!"

We asked our readers how they respond when someone comments that their child "looks just like" them. Read the answers.

How do adoptive parents respond when told, "Your child looks just like you!"

On our Facebook page (, we asked readers, if someone comments on how much your adopted child ‘looks like you,’ how do you respond? Here’s what you said:

I say, ‘Thank you, she IS beautiful!’ I’m biased and think my daughter is incredibly beautiful, so I’m flattered that people think we look alike!” —MOLLY

“I get this all the time, and I usually say something like, ‘Aw, thanks, I kind of see what you mean… but she really looks like her birth mom, who is just beautiful.’ And then sometimes I show the person a recent picture of the two of them together.” —RACHEL

I would say ‘thank you,’ but it has never happened (my children are Asian and I am Caucasian). However, I wanted to note that I am an adoptee and, when I was small and people would say this to my parents, it made me uncomfortable (as if there were a secret being kept). It’s good to be mindful of how your child might be reacting.” —BRENDA

I might say: ‘Funny thing is, she was adopted, but I agree we share a lot of similarities (mostly personality though)’ or ‘I WISH I were as beautiful as her’ or ‘Well, we’re both Mexican-American, so we share some genetic traits in common, although she joined our family through adoption’ or ‘Thanks!’ Depends on my mood, whether I think I’ll encounter that person again, and so on.” —TRICIA

I used to say ‘Thank you,’ and then explain that my daughter was adopted. But now, I stop with ‘thank you.’ I feel like it’s my daughter’s story to share, not mine, and I don’t want her to feel like she has to share that with strangers. I’ve told her she can if she wants to and left the decision up to her.” —PATTY

I thank them and say, ‘His birth mom is beautiful. He looks a lot like her.’ I can’t take credit for my boy’s handsomeness. Now, if someone says, ‘He’s just like you,’ I proudly take credit for that!” —STEPHANIE

I just would just chuckle and say, ‘Thank you.’ However, my children are African American and I am Caucasian, so I don’t get that comment often. I do, however, get the ‘Your kids sure take after you‘ comment (meaning that they act a lot like my wife and I)!” —RUSSELL

I get the opposite. I’m mixed black and white, and my kids are light skinned Hispanic, so I get asked a lot if I’m the nanny. Growing up, I used to get told how much I looked like my step dad. He was from India, but since my mom is white, people would just say I looked like the brown person, LOL. We always had a good laugh about that when I was a kid.” —GERI

“I’m an adoptee. My son is not. At first glance, we don’t look alike. People have asked me if he’s adopted. I answer, ‘No, but I am.’ That response confuses them.” —LESLIE

I think what people sometimes see are the mannerisms people who live in the same house pick up from each other. I think it’s sweet that we look like a family!” —GINA



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