“Our adoption profile was shown to an expectant mother, and she selected a different family. We knew this was a possibility, of course, but feel disappointed. How to cope?” Readers offer advice.
We asked parents to "name one way in which adoptive parenting differs from parenting a biological child." From maintaining an open adoption to understanding trauma parenting to feeling free to agree wholeheartedly with compliments about your child's looks, here's what readers shared.
Most prospective adoptive parents don’t get cards or baby showers, or even much excitement. It’s time to change that. Buying something for your hoped-for baby won’t ‘jinx’ your plan to adopt, and 11 more things I wish someone had told me during the wait.
Sometimes, you go somewhere expecting it to be totally different, and it ends up seeming familiar. I had that feeling as I led a group of students on a trip to China—and then again, back home, as we met an expectant mother.
Matched out of the blue with an expectant mother, we were told the next call might come within days. But as the wait stretched to weeks and then months, I despaired—would our dreams ever come true?
From doing "lasts" as a couple to cleaning out closets and drawers to writing in a journal to their child-to-be, parents share how they remained positive during a long or uncertain wait to adopt.
A hopeful adoptive mother who’s just started the adoption wait is ready to nest and get the baby’s room ready—but her husband wants to wait. Parents who have been there offer advice.
As I wait to adopt, having friends I identify with has made all the difference.
A prospective adoptive parent shares her feelings of sadness as the holidays approach while waiting to adopt. Parents who have been there offer advice.
"It's been almost five months and my husband and I are still in labor. The pregnancy was even longer—twelve months. When will this baby come, we ask ourselves."
Waiting to adopt is hard, especially when the wait stretches on for years. Real parents share the words that comforted them and got them through their waits.
“We’re just beginning the adoption process, and are waffling between excitement—and terror. Is this normal?”
The very best way to occupy your time while you wait for your child is to learn everything you can about raising adopted children, and to prepare for any eventuality.
Our "adoption journey" was not an easy one. No, our road was bumpy and dark and full of unmarked turns that were gently referred to by our social workers as failed matches or changes of heart. With every disappointment we endured, I struggled with what I call the both/and—holding two conflicting feelings at once.