A parent wonders how to explain the painful possibility that a foster child might return to her birth family to the young child she’s already parenting.
Ask AF: When a Child Questions Adoption vs. Biology
“Recently, my 12-year-old has been questioning whether an adoptive mother can really love her children as she would biological children. She’ll say things like, ‘You think you love us, but you would love a child you gave birth to more. How should I talk with her about this?”
Ask AF: Because Baby Showers Are Bad Enough Without Nosy Questions…
When you struggle with infertility, baby showers can be painful reminders — and often lead to nosy questions, like, ‘So, when are you going to have a baby?’ Parents who’ve been there advise on how to respond.
Ask AF: When and How to Find a Pediatrician During the Adoption Process
“We would like to find a pediatrician during the adoption process, so we have someone to help guide our decisions. How to do this?”
Ask AF: What to Consider Before a Kinship Adoption Placement
“My cousin is pregnant but not ready to be a mom. She and I have discussed my adopting her baby. I realize we’ll need a lawyer, but what else will we need to do in order to adopt a family member’s child?”
Ask AF: Will Our Son See His Birth Mother with Her New Baby and Wonder, Why Not Him?
“Our son’s birth mother is now married and parenting a newborn. How should I answer if he asks why they couldn’t raise him?”
Ask AF: Explaining to a Child That His Sibling Will Be Adopted By Another Family
An expectant mother who’s making an open adoption plan wonders how to explain to her child that his baby sibling will be adopted by another family. A birth mother offers advice.
My Four-Year-Old Told Me “You’re Not My Mom.” Is This Normal?
A mother shares that her four-year-old has said, “You’re not my mom!” when angry. Fellow parents assure her this is normal and suggest different ways to respond.
Ask AF: “We Don’t Hear Back from My Child’s Birth Mother…”
“In the beginning, my son’s birth mother seemed to want a lot of contact. I send photos or updates about once a week. She hasn’t seen him in a year, however, and her family hasn’t seen him since birth. Should I back off?”
Ask AF: Encouraging a Cohesive Racial and Cultural Identity
“We have always tried to make sure our internationally adopted son feels proud of his heritage. This year, when the class was writing about Thanksgiving, he asked if he could skip the assignment because people from his birth country do not celebrate Thanksgiving. I know I need to talk to him, but I’m not sure where to start.”
Ask AF: Explaining to Our Child That We Can’t Adopt Her Foster Sister
“We just found out that we won’t be able to adopt the child we’ve been fostering. How do we tell the child, and explain to our older daughter?”
Ask AF: Just Found Out That My Child Is Friends with His Birth Mother on Facebook
“I recently found out that my teen is friends with his birth mother on Facebook. I feel badly that I found this out by ‘snooping,’ but I am also shocked and upset that she didn’t try to contact us or the adoption agency first. What should we do?”
Ask AF: Our Only Child Is Asking for a Sibling
An adoptive parent wonders how to respond to an only child who keeps asking for a sibling. Real parents share their advice and stories.
Ask AF: Family Interactions After Kinship Adoption
“We are adopting my sister-in-law’s teenage son after fostering him for five years. What can I say to her at family gatherings, to family who still don’t get that we’ll be his legal parents—and to my son, who hears all of this?”
Ask AF: Transitioning Children to Calling Us “Mom” and “Dad”
“My husband and I are working to adopt from foster care. How do we transition a child from calling us our first names to calling us ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’?”
Ask AF: Sharing Painful Birth Parent News with My Child
“I just discovered that my daughter’s birth mother died. My daughter is a preteen and rarely asks about her birth parents. Should I tell her this now, or wait? And, if so, how do I bring it up?”
Ask AF: My Husband Wants to Keep Adoption “Secret”
“My husband was advised that some adoptive parents ‘hide’ the adoption process and feign pregnancy on social media for friends and extended family. Has anyone done this?”
Ask AF: Our First Visit with Our Child’s Birth Parents
A mother is nervous about the upcoming first birth family visit, wondering what it will be like, how to react if she or the birth mother get upset. Parents in open adoptions offer advice.
Ask AF: My Child Said He Loves His Birth Mother More
“My six-year-old has been asking a lot of new questions about adoption and his birth mother. He’s also told us that he loves her more than he loves us. How should we respond?”
Ask AF: Four-Year-Old Expressing Negativity About Her Skin Color
The mother of a preschooler shares her concern about negative comments her daughter has been making about her skin color. Parents who have been there offer advice.